Paper hearts and wilted flowers

I’ve never really gone out of my way to pursue a friendship. I don’t handle disappointment well and the fewer people I have to please the better. I just made my ninth move this last month, so keeping touch with people has never been in the cards for me. However there are a few people who have some how hung on after all these years. I used to be jealous of the people who lived in one home their entire lives. The idea of living in the same house, keeping the same friends since kindergarten, knowing everyone on your street and having memories on every street corner at one point greatly appealed to me. You know like ‘Boy Meets World’ with Sean and Corey or whatever. Now, I couldn’t give a shit. That kind of thing wasn’t meant for me. If it happened for you, then thats great, I’m really happy for you and I hope that you appreciate it as much as I would have.

But thats not me, and I’m not talking about you.

I’ve only had a handful of really good, legitimate best friends. . Those few friendships I still have, for the most part. You can’t win ‘em all. And of those friendships I try really hard to be everything they need me to be without losing who I am. I’d like to think they respect that. But, like everyone else, you fall short of expectations. Then what are you to do? You can’t run to save the day after the day has already gone down in flames. Then what kind of friend are you? Well not a very good one, thats for sure. I speak very highly of all of my friends. Sure I get irritated with them once in awhile but thats human nature. And despite the fact that I currently do not have an operating vehicle, or a source of income, I’d like to think I’ve tried my hardest to be all I can be for my friends.

So it really hurts when I hear someone was upset or having a bad day state that they don’t have any who cares or reach out to, because I have been sitting there, waiting for them to call me if they ever needed me. When the call doesn’t come in and I hear later that they needed someone, what are you supposed to do? The day has already burned to the ground and your too late. But is it your fault? I don’t call and check in on anyone but my friends as well. So whats a person to do when they hear their friend needed someone and you weren’t there to save them? Ok, now factor in complete ignorance. What are you to do?

I don’t know.

I was hoping you would have an answer for me.

Its not about how long you’ve known someone but how well you know someone, how much you trust them. You can’t be friends with someone you don’t trust. So maybe those who don’t come to you during distress don’t really trust you with their problems? I’m guessing here. Feel free to correct me if I’m wrong. I don’t know about you but I don’t spill my guts to someone I don’t know. Unless of course you happen to be Forrest Gump and your waiting for a bus. So many, just maybe thats the key to all of this.


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