I totally forgot to say Happy Father’s day

Its been 15 years..It feels different now so different that it does not bother me anymore not like it used to.

To be honest I do not even remember what it felt like to have you around.I’m not even sure what my life would be like if you were around,would it be harder? would it be much more of a question? I always asked myself if I did not deserve to have a father around if It was my fault that you were not around anymore then it hit me….. I really did not have you around anyway to begin with.

You were always too busy,always too much of a bachelor,always has his own business that eats up all of your time.. I wonder if I’m gonna be like you? If  I’m going to die like you. If I’m going to have a child of my own and leave like you did to me, I’m not sure if it’s all going to be the same too but even still I think you still deserve a “happy daddy day” from me.

Do you still remember when I used to make cards for you and lots of drawings during Father’s day?? I could vividly remember that I could only draw ants…made up of circles and flowers and that’s it, My cards will be all made up of ants and flowers because I didn’t know how to draw anything else. I would try to make the perfect circles for the ants and if it’s not the perfect circle I would repeat it again,because I wanted it to be perfect.But after you died that late October afternoon I stopped drawing ants any form of them. So now 15 years later I spend Father’s day drinking at a friend’s house watching DVD’s wishing that the day passes soon. I don’t know if this will change or if one day when I have a family of my own its gonna be somehow different.But because I only know you as “daddy” I really can’t explain.

I love you and I hate you..you were one more of those regrets I’m left with….

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