Many times in relationships we love to blame the other person.
We like to blame them for not loving us the way we want to be loved, or for not making us enough of a priority, or for being too stubborn and on and on.
Then we start giving names to the way we interpret others actions. So instead of saying: “Hey, I’d really appreciate it if you let me figure it out on my own,” or “The way I really feel loved is when you (fill in the blank)”. When we are lacking, we say: “You’re a jerk”, or assume that they don’t love us.
So instead of expressing how we feel, we blame, judge and then convict the other person of being guilty. Then we project our verdict onto them and wonder why they react negatively and then use that negative reaction as further proof that our verdict was in fact, correct.
Instead of blaming and judging, if we can open up, become vulnerable and EXPRESS our feelings and needs, we give the other person an opportunity to course correct and with this new information.
And, if over time we are expressing our needs and feelings and they aren’t being seen, have the courage to pick up our things and leave.It might seem scary, but showing emotion and expressing your needs is how you build intimacy. And having high standards and the courage to maintain them is how you make sure that only the best kind of relationships remains in your life.
When you see the current relationships of your life as not a victim, but as a mirror of your own life, you can begin to take empowered action.
So, you say you want love, yes?
Then whatcha gonna do today? Blame them? Or express yourself and set loving boundaries?
Do you want to keep going round in the dramatic circle of blame or do you want to step into the loving flow of vulnerable expression?
The choice is yours. What’ll it be? Remember that at the end of the day we are all deemed human and all of us have the equal amount of emotion and feelings, Its just up to us how we learn to manage it.