No, you’re not the only one.
Being the convenience friend is hard. It is not something that is easy at any point in life and it often becomes a waiting game. You always wonder why you are not good enough for them. You do everything under the sun to show that you care. Then you watch them do things for everyone else but you and it hurts.
Sometimes you actually have set plans and then they cancel at the last second with a poor excuse because they are feeling too lazy, or found something better to do. Yet, for some reason (which I will get to/explain later), you still cherish the time you have with that person and crave to hang out with them. It seems like they’re having the best time ever with you when you two do hang out and yet, you still feel like you’re put last.
What does it mean to be a “convenience friend”?
My definition of being the convenience friend is always wanting to hang out with a friend who, it seems, puts everything and everyone else before you. However, when no one can hang out, or they need someone to go somewhere or do something with them and no one else can, they contact you. They hang out with you when it’s convenient for them. Granted, things get busy sometimes, but when it happens when things are not, then you know you have taken on the role. Especially if you swallow your feelings and always say, “It’s okay, next time.”
They’re only nice when it’s convenient
Have you noticed sweet behavior is always followed by a request? Beware of any people, romantic partners or not, who are only thoughtful when they want to borrow something or ask you for a favor. Oftentimes, once they get what they want, they’ll give you the cold shoulder.
Your friends and family are concerned
Sometimes the people we love notice things before we do. And more often than not, those closest to you will be more perceptive because they don’t have your romantic blinders on. You might be too into the person you’re dating to notice the flaws, but listen to your friends if they warn you — they’re probably speaking up for a good reason.
Confronting the issue.
I generally don’t. For me personally, it has happened so often that I just understand how it goes and don’t let it get to me as much as I used to. However, it is not a bad idea to confront it. If they are truly your good friend, they will hear you out and understand. Hopefully, they’ll do something to change it. However, if they have negative feedback and make you feel bad about it then BYE.
Are they doing it on purpose?
No. Absolutely not. – Or Maybe? Everyone has a different situation. Some are actually so busy they don’t even realize it, and others just don’t see that they’re doing it to you. It’s also possible that they are just so full of themselves or maybe they just have too much bullshit going on. In my opinion, it’s not an intentional thing to do to someone.
But then again maybe that’s just something that they are used to do, simple warning signs like “ I don’t pay for anything” kind of words or concepts that seem questionable are somethings that you have to look out for.
Should you stop being friends with them?
Not necessarily. Just don’t circle your life around them. Hang out with them when you can, but don’t be surprised or upset if plans fall through again. Also, absolutely do NOT wait around for them to contact you first. It will not happen. If you have to swallow your pride once in a while to contact them first, it’s okay. Just don’t be the one to do it every single time. They need to initiate too.
And if they never ever actually reach out to you, then that’s when you shouldn’t waste your breath anymore.
Are you the only “victim”?
Nope. In fact, the people to whom you are the convenience friend, are most likely the convenience friend for someone else. Unfortunately, that’s just how it goes. It’s the circle of social life, children. There are also a million other people going through this all the time. You will probably find one of them someday and both be so sick of being the convenience friend that you will become best friends and won’t put each other in the “convenience” zone. That’s what luckily happened to me at least. So, there is hope.
Why do we put ourselves through it?
Because we’re human. We always long for acceptance. And when we don’t get it from someone like we want to, we do whatever it takes to get it sometimes. We live to please and unfortunately we are too busy trying to make others happy we forget about ourselves and our happiness.
So the moral of all this is that you’re worth more than waiting around for someone who doesn’t always come around, and do NOT let it affect your self-worth. I repeat: they’re not doing it to hurt you. I don’t want to make the people who do this look like the bad guys. I’m sure I’ve even done it without realizing it, and I’m sure you have too. So open your eyes to this stuff and see what’s going on, because you never know how it will affect someone
It started with an Orange 